Last week, I shared about my experience at the university eating disorders awareness walk. I left all of you with a little cliff hanger. A few have emailed or texted me asking me to spill the beans – to which I responded, “You will just have to wait for next week’s blog!”
So here it is. The best thing I shared about my experience, strength and hope in recovery at that walk, probably the coolest thing that has ever happened to me, and something I was pretty sure would never, ever happen in my life, has been added to the long list of abundant gifts from God in recovery.
About three months ago, after a very short time of trying, I found out that my husband and I are with child!
There are many reasons why I told myself that would/could never happen to me. These reasons, all products of “disease thinking,” included: I was sick for too long and messed up my body; I pissed away my 20s; I’m somehow subhuman and don’t have the same rights and privileges as all parents my age in the world; I’m too old; I can’t possibly deserve this gift … and life is already too good, way better than I ever imagined possible.
Here is an absolute truth about disease thinking: it only produces lies.
I have always been in awe of the power of our bodies to heal themselves. And now, I’m especially in awe of the power of my body to support, nurture and nourish a growing baby boy.
I have heard his heart beat on several occasions…from within my body…just wild! I have seen ultrasound pictures, both of which brought tears of real joy to my eyes, with my husband, David, by my side, holding my hand, tearing up as well.
David thinks our baby is the luckiest creature in the whole world, having the time of his life. “He gets to spend his days with you, he gets to eat well, meditate with you, go to recovery meetings and learn the value of living a spiritual life. He gets to go to work with you and help women save their lives, drive with you as you go from full-time doctor at TK to amazing wife and mom at home. He gets to eat yummy late-night snacks, and on top of it all, he gets to do his own form of fitness every day, all day (he was quite active last time in the ultrasound!). He gets to have you as his home right now and his mom for the rest of his life.”
Does it get any better, more abundant than this? This I would not want to miss out on. This would not be possible in a life of drinking, restricting, bingeing and purging.